BYBS: The Darkest Hour

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Like a plant that starts up in showers and sunshine and does not know which has best helped it to grow, it is difficult to say whether the hard things or the pleasant things did me the most good. ~ Lucy Larcom

I am posting this on a Tuesday, but since this post has to do with a blessing – although in a roundabout way – I am posting this under the BYB Sunday category.

Last week was another busy week for me during which I spent time with my parents, and a few family friends. We had something going on at home, and it took up most of the week. The week ended very well. But then, on Sunday, something happened that shouldn’t have happened, and was not expected to happen.

I can’t write in detail about the incident here, but it would be sufficient to say that the incident came like a dark cloud on the horizon of life.

For a while, I was sad and devastated. But, for some reason, I can’t stay in a sad state for a long time. I think it is only natural. No one can stay in one state of mind for any length of time. If you are happy today, you will be in a different mood tomorrow. If you are sad today, that will change too.

However, there is a huge difference between being happy and being sad. In a happy mood, it is easy to live in the present, and it is easy not to worry about the past, or the future.In a sad mood, one can’t live in the present, and one is forced to think of all the bad things that have happened in the past. Also, one looks toward the future with little hope of things getting any better. At the darkest hour, it seems that life is not worth living. Whatever direction we may look in, all we are able to see is despair.

However, even the darkest hour has to yield to light. Eventually, sadness has to take a backseat. And it doesn't take a lot to make that happen. All it takes is one happy thought; one happy memory.

The one thought makes us realize that things were not always bad. Since, they were not always bad, they will not always stay bad either. We consciously begin to think of why we are in a position that we are in at the moment, and what can be done to get out of that situation. We realize our mistakes and decide that we are not going to repeat them. We make a promise to ourselves to ensure that things improve. We know that they will because we will make sure that they do.

It is at this moment then that the dawn breaks.

BYBS : The Others

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Most of us spend a lot of time thinking about ourselves. It is all about me, myself and I. The questions we ask ourselves are: How could I do this, how could I achieve that? What makes me happy? What would make me happy? In a lecture, I once attended, the speaker said something about intrinsic motivation being more important than the extrinsic one. Even a lot of inspirational books tell us that we are the most important thing in our lives. Everywhere around us we find cues that make us believe that our world revolves around us, or, at least, it should.

I am no one to disagree. It is an undeniable fact that we have to pay utmost attention to ourselves. So many people, and so many books, can not be wrong, can they?

But, for a moment, think of a world where the only living person is you. You pay all the attention to yourself that you deserve. You do all the things that you have ever wanted to do. You become all that you have ever wanted to be. But, will that leave you satisfied? Happy, perhaps?

If I was to hazard a guess, I would say it will not.

Like it or not, our happiness is inextricably linked with the happiness of others. Be it in material terms, or spiritual ones, we need others to share our achievements, our victories, our failures, our losses with. There are times when we need others to guide us, and there are times when we need to guide others. There are times when we need to take from others, and there are times when we need to give to others. During such times if we don't have the others, we feel incomplete, and our lives cease to have a lot of meaning.

So, when others are such an important part of our lives, why do we ignore them? Because somewhere we begin to believe that if we succeed, the others will have no option but to like us. We believe that our achievements will guarantee that the others will be there when we need them - for giving or taking, as that case may be. But, it does not always happen that way.

I don't mean to undermine the importance of focusing on self in any way. To be a member of a strong society, every member needs to be strong. But, with this post, I intend to make you focus on that other, who may be needing you today - when you don't need him - so that the other can be there for someone else, or even you, when the time comes.

BYBS : Food on the Plate

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One thing I have never been any good at is cooking. Trust me, I have tried, and more than once.

The first time was when I was quite young. My parents were out of town, and I thought it would be a good idea to cook something at home instead of going out to eat. So, out came the utensils, and the cutlery, and the vegetables. I had seen people cook before, and it never seemed like a big deal. But, as they say, the devil is in the details. The tomatoes were too soft to cut with a knife. The onions brought tears to the eyes. The garlic was all but forgotten. And there were so many kinds of spices in the box, that I was not sure what to use. Eventually, I put in a little bit of each.

At the end, what was cooked looked delicious. I invited my younger brother to eat, and with great love and care I filled our plates. The food looked good, and I felt sure that he was going to love it. I waited for him to take the first morsel in, and prepared myself for a pat on the back. But, to my dismay, his face turned green and he all but threw up. I tasted the food, and I realised what the phrase "looks can deceive" meant. The food, that looked so good, tasted bad, very bad. Too little salt, too many spices. However, to a mother, no baby is ugly. Morsel after morsel, I swallowed the food, with a smile on my face. I went to the extent of telling my brother, "What's the matter with you. This is delicious."

Seeing me eating the food with such poise and grace, he ventured to taste it again. The result was the same for him. He thought I had gone crazy.

After that, I did not attempt to cook for a really long time. But, when I tried again, the results were the same. Each time I got a little better, but never good enough to cook a whole meal by myself.

So, today, when I found myself alone and hungry, I thought to myself : what now?

Lucky for me, in the kitchen, I found the two minute Maggi noodles, and bread to go with it. Not a wholesome meal, but a meal nonetheless.

I know that canned food, and ready to eat foods are not the best kind of foods. But for some, like me, they can be a real blessing.

To Err Is Human...

I am not perfect. Far from it, I have more failings than your average guy. Yet - and I have said this in many of my earlier posts - I hope to get rid of these failings someday,and get as close to being perfect as I can. I think being perfect is achievable, and everyone should aim for it.

The biggest obstacle in achieving this comes from the society itself. The society wants us to be good, but when anyone starts becoming good, the society begins to get threatened by that person, and thus they begin to thwart his or her attempts in getting better. And when faced with the opposition of the society itself, most of us give up our attempts to become unique, and fall in line with what is generally accepted.

To take an example, let us consider the oft-quoted, and widely accepted, idiom: "To err is human, to forgive divine". I am sure all of us have used this phrase at one time or another.

I completely agree with the statement. But, I also think that this statement has a hidden meaning too, which stops us from improving ourselves.

When we make a mistake, we usually realise it. When we realise it, we get angry with ourselves for making the mistake. We are not happy that we made the mistake, and perhaps we would have been determined not to make that mistake ever again, but then we think, "To err is human...", and that is the end of all our troubles. For, aren't we human? If we are then making the mistake was just a normal thing, that was bound to happen. Wasn't it?

Similarly, we all know that forgiving someone is one of the hardest thing to do. I have still not forgiven a guy who I had a fight with in school, almost fifteen years ago. I am sure all of us have someone that we have not, or cannot, forgive. I am sure we try, but then we think,"To forgive is divine...". And who are we to try and claim to be divine.

What I have said above is merely an example of how the society has come to accept, and propagate, mediocrity. Instead of helping us trying to become the best we can, it makes us believe that we are good as we are, with all our weaknesses and faults. Now, I am not saying that there is an ideal, or a perfect being, that we all should try to follow or become like. All I am saying that we should be comfortable with ourselves, and our faults, but we should not get too comfortable and we should constantly strive to improve ourselves. As Mahatma Gandhi once said, "Be the change you want to see in the world."

What do you think?

BYBS :Coming Home

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"If you come home as happy as you leave, you have had a good vacation."

The above quote seems quite apt. Most of the time, when our vacation ends we are so weary that we are happy simply to have come back home. When we embark on any new adventure, our spirits are high and we just want to leave our homes behind. Our home is the last place we want to be at such times.

But, somewhere along the journey, we begin to miss home. There are so many memories - sweet and bitter - associated with our home, that we begin to crave for another chance to be back there. Sometimes, it is easy to come back home. Sometimes, despite our best intentions, it is not possible to do so. But, in either case, the knowledge that somewhere there is a home, that we can return to if everything goes wrong, fills us with hope and courage.

In the Lord of The Rings, Frodo and Sam thought about their homes back in the Shire whenever they felt their mission was doomed. This thought filled them with hope and lifted their spirits. This thought also gave them courage, as it made them want to fight till their end to save the Shire.

In our lives too, having a home to come back to makes life so much more easier. We can go about living our lives, taking risks, doing new things, knowing fully well that if all else fails us we have a home to come back to.