May 3, 2007

Like father, Like son

One of the most under-rated and least talked about relations is the father- son relation. Holding one’s newborn son in one’s arms is a great moment in a man’s life. In his son, he sees his past, his present and future.

The childhood is a happy stage, with the father being a hero to his son. But as time passes and the son begins to develop a mind of his own, things start to go bad. The son begins to want something else and the father expects something else.

The irony of the situation is that both are many a times right in their own places. A father thinks of all the things that he has given up for the son in the past and he is justified if he expects something back now, and the son who was too small to remember all the things his father did for him thinks that his father has lived his life, and now it was his turn to live his. The only solution to the problem then is that the son leaves and sets up on his own. In most relations between opposite sexes, be it mother-son, boyfriend-girlfriend, brother-sister or father-daughter, one of the two people involved is ready to adjust, accommodate or step back. But in a father-son relation, no one is prepared to do that. Also, it has been accepted as a norm in the society that as soon as a child becomes old enough (the age varies with culture), he is expected to leave and set up on his own.

It was not always like this. Specially in India, where even today joint families (where parents, their children and their families live together) are as much in existence as the nuclear families ( where each one sets up his own house).

With time the father accepts that his son is gone and the son gets involved in his new life, and the father-son who were tied by such strong bonds once, are now tied only by the bond of a few telephone calls and the occasional getting together at a family get together.

But, it would be so much better if the son and the father could prevent the break from happening or mend the gaps, if the break has happened. This most definitely requires some work from both sides but at the end of the day, there is no other relation in this world which is quite like a father-son one.


stev said...

it is indeed a bond like no other

i like to think of it as a child who sees the father as everything when young, growing into rebellion & straining times, before finally maturing & seeing what a wonderful person his father was all along

communication is definitely the key

Sandy Carlson said...

This is a nice post for me because I have seen these strains in my husband's relationship with his father and in my uncle and cousin's. It is not a talked-about thing, so there is much conjecture and guessing involved. I suppose the long view is a good thing, the realization that we are only here for a little while and the precious things are just too precious to be cast aside over pride. It's hard though and it takes time. As a proud person, I know. I have learned though that pride is not very good company!

Squirrel said...

Really nice post Blue. But honestly I don't think I could live with the in-laws. My husbands father isn't that bad but my mother-in-law is a bear. :)

Blue Panther said...

Stev: Communication is the key and understanding too.

Sandy: As they say, pride hath a fall!

Squirrel: LOL!

D said...

Really thought-provoking, Blue. I know from experience that fathers are less able to deal with rebellion than mothers and if what you write is the norm between fathers and sons, one would think that they would be more forgiving having gone through the same phase themselves with their fathers. Very strange indeed especially since male-bonding is not as fragile as the relationships we women develop.

CyberCelt said...

If I were the son in this story, I would try to make a move toward my father if it was not too late.

Sometimes we cannot change things and we must come to grips with our feelings without validating them against our parent(s).

It is not just fathers-sons that have this problem. I am going through something very similar with my son.

Sandy Carlson said...

Checking in on BYB Sunday. God bless!

hotdogman said...

My dad always says he gets smarter as I get older.

Blue Panther said...

D: One would really think that having gone through the process with their fathers, men would behave different with their sons. But, we all know that history teaches us only one thing and that is, we never learn from history.

Cybercelt: Wishing the best for your relationship with your son!

Sandy:Thank you!

Hotdogman: Do you think he does?:)

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